In the year 2005, U.S. Army Librarian Joe Bauers is selected for a top-secret human hibernation experiment alongside a prostitute named Rita. Due to a bureaucratic oversight, the facility is forgotten, and the pair remain cryogenically frozen for five centuries.When they finally awaken in the year 2505, they emerge into a dystopian society vastly different from the one they left. Centuries of dysgenic fertility have caused human intelligence to plummet drastically.
Natural selection favored the proliferation of anti-intellectualism and immediate gratification, leaving the global population remarkably dim-witted. Basic
infrastructure is failing, crops are withered because they are irrigated with an energy drink called Brawndo, and mass media consists of mindless, violent entertainment.Disoriented and struggling to survive, Joe is arrested after failing to pay for his medical treatment and subsequently escapes prison. While navigating this baffling new world, Joe discovers that he is now the smartest man alive. His average IQ towers over a civilization that speaks a heavily degraded form of English and treats basic critical thinking as alien magic.Joe is eventually captured and brought before the President of the United States, Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho—a former porn star and professional wrestler. Desperate to solve an unprecedented dust bowl and famine caused by the Brawndo irrigation, the President names Joe the Secretary of the Interior, tasking him with fixing the failing economy and agriculture.Joe’s motivation shifts from merely escaping his predicament to saving humanity from self-destruction. He realizes that if something isn’t done immediately, the human race will starve. Teaming up with Rita, Joe proposes a radically simple yet shocking solution: water the dying fields with plain water from the toilet, rather than Brawndo.This triggers fierce resistance and corporate pushback from the energy drink conglomerate, culminating in a gladiatorial arena showdown where Joe must fight for his life to prove his worth. Defying all odds, Joe survives the brutal arena. Soon after, the crops begin to sprout green shoots, proving Joe right and earning him the adoration of the grateful masses.With the crisis averted, Joe is subsequently elected President. He marries Rita, and together they usher in a new era of societal rebuilding, focusing on education and sensible governance, though the intellectual struggles of the population remain an ongoing battle for the newly enlightened human race.