Set in the fading seaside resort of Eldchester, the local council is desperate to revitalize the town's flagging tourism industry. Enter Sid Carter, a boisterous and enterprising promoter with a flair for the audacious. Sid conceives a grand scheme to put Eldchester back on the map: the "Miss
United Kingdom" beauty pageant. His primary motivation is financial, but he also genuinely believes that bikinis and swimsuits are the ultimate cure-all for local economic depression.However, Sid’s grand plans immediately run into a formidable obstacle. Enter Cora Flange, a militant, stern-faced chairperson of the local Moral Welfare Association. Cora and her prudish followers view the contest as a degrading exploitation of women. Motivated by a fierce, misguided sense of righteousness, Cora launches a relentless campaign to sabotage the pageant, utilizing petitions, public shaming, and any available bureaucratic loophole to shut Sid down.Undeterred, Sid pushes forward, aided by his bumbling yet enthusiastic assistant, Mayor Wise. Meanwhile, a colorful array of contestants arrives in town, each with their own personal motivations. Among them is Sandra Crabtree, a savvy local girl who enters the contest less for the crown and more to prove a point and escape her mundane life. As the competition heats up, the rivalry between Sid’s promotional machine and Cora’s moral crusaders escalates into an all-out war of attrition.Chaos ensues across the resort. Cora’s followers attempt various undercover operations to infiltrate the contestants' quarters, leading to slapstick misunderstandings, mistaken identities, and accidental exposures. Sid must constantly dodge outraged protesters while managing the high-strung contestants, sponsors, and judges. The tension reaches a fever pitch right on the eve of the grand finale, as Cora mobilizes a massive
protest march directly outside the convention hall, threatening to physically block the audience from entering.Despite the relentless protests and high-stakes sabotage attempts, the show must go on. On the night of the pageant, the auditorium is packed to bursting. Just as Cora and her zealots attempt to storm the stage, the sheer enthusiasm of the crowd—and the undeniable charm of the contestants—wins the day. The pageant concludes in a triumphant, chaotic spectacle of swinging sixties glamour. Eldchester is saved from financial ruin, tourism booms, and even the stern Cora Flange is forced to concede defeat, leaving Sid Carter to bask in his gloriously tacky victory.